24 Days

Subtract the weekends - and one Whitsuntide (historical factoid: coming 50 days after Easter, the word Whitsun comes from the Old English 'Hwita Sunnandæg', meaning 'White Sunday', in reference to the white robes worn by those baptised on the previous Easter) - and I have just four and twenty days left to work, and dear collegues, if you're ever to read this, while I can't (truthfully) say I'm sorry to be leaving, I shall certainly miss you. Ok, well, some of you. I'm sure you know who you are. On Wedesday I handed in my notice. Dang, actually, no, I haven't handed in my notice yet. Must remember to do that before I leave. On Wednesday then, I announced my intention to leave - and I have to say it did feel good! I actually did feel a little guilty, but to be fair to me, it was way overdue. And when even your own bosses are saying it's time you left, you know something's gone wrong somewhere along the way. The countdown has begun.

Dear Mum and Dad,

When I asked Gareth last week what he made of the Korea idea, he wrote out a list of what he thought were the main pros and cons. While he listed a range of pros, his only cons were: '1, it’s scary, and 2, mum will cry.' As usual, he was right. Tonight I told you Korea. As soon as I announced that I had some news (in a perfectly calibrated ‘now brace yourselves, you ain’t gonna like this’ tone of voice), you guessed straight away that I was going away. And of course, you cried ma. What I didn’t anticipate was just how quickly the two of you would come round to the idea. I didn’t expect you to try and talk me out of it, but to hear you say, even through the tears, that you though it was a great thing for me, and that you were both proud of me, well that was just what I needed to hear to dispel those final nagging doubts. You weren’t thrilled with the prospect of having to store all my stuff again after finally enjoying the luxury of a little spare room, or the idea of being without instant tech-support for a year, but you were supportive and together when I needed you to be, so thank you. For that, I’ll even let you cry at the airport. As if I’d be able to stop you. And once more, just for you ma, I reiterate my promise: I will return. Love, Ryan

One step at a time

Actually feeling quite calm today. No, that's a lie, I'm just in denial. If I think about the reality too much my stomach starts to churn, so trying not to think too far ahead. Tomorrow morning (at 7am!) Benjamin Ha may be ringing to answer our questions and discuss arrangements - I say 'may' as there was a bit of confusion over the timezones, so it's possible he hasn't yet read the email Emma sent to confirm the time. Anyway, I'm doing my best not think of anything beyond that. We seem to be taking it in turns at freaking out - on Thursday (after wasting most of the afternoon researching Korea online) I started having minor heart palpitations. I got over that, only to come home on Friday to find Emma jittering with second thoughts about how she'll cope with missing her Granparents. So we now have a pact - as long as our panic attacks fall on different days, one of us should be able to talk the other through it. I don't know what'll happen if we both stress out together.

Is anybody there?

If you're reading this, then either you're a stranger to me, and you're lost (in which case welcome, feel free to leave a comment, nobody else will be), or I'm somewhere in South Korea. At the moment the former seems more likely to me, since the latter scenario only exists so far as a statistical possibility. Even though as I've said Korea may never happen, if it does, then today will be the day that I'll remember as the day we decided to go for it. We've been talking about it for the past couple of weeks, but only now does it feel like a realistic possibilty to me. I've also noticed my thoughts today turning slightly from blind fear ("how am I gonna tell my mum about this!?") to more practical issues ("how am I gonna tell my mum she's gonna have to store all my stuff!?"). Tonight we're going to email the Korean guy our CV's and see if he'll have us. Wish me luck.